Jess "The POV"

Another Friday

2009-06-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

I left work after lunch today to take a well needed rest and I am sitting here staring blankly at my laptop screen. I just listened to that great song "Shattered" by O.A.R. and it left me with so many mixed emotions that I am still trying to sort out.

I am still pondering about that tragic flight and its fate is becoming more elusive by the day as the debris pulled out of the sea did not belong to AF447. I don't know why I am so affected by it, when other tragedies happen all the time. I keep hoping ... just hoping that maybe they landed in an island, you know, like the show "LOST" . Wishful thinking as miracles don't happen... But I can dream

Air France Crash

2009-06-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

It has been a couple of days and still nothing ... no explanations on why that plane crashed, just uncertainty and loss. I guess we most likely will never know. This has brought long flashbacks to me ... back to a few years ago in the same place. We left Rio de Janeiro very late as they appeared to have issues with the front of the plane but yet Varig cleared the plane to fly and there we went. I was in the washroom when the pilot informed us that we were having mechanical problems and we needed to turn back immediately. Those were terrifying moments as we had no idea if we were going to land ok or not. I will always remember one of my friends holding that elderly lady's hand so tight whom she didn't even know and praying with her while another was sleeping completely oblivious of the crisis. I will always remember the red flashes from the fire engines and ambulances lighting up the night as people were trying to stay calm. Anyway we landed ... a little bumpy but landed and we spent another day in that gorgeous city.
I pray deep in my heart that those poor souls had no time to realize what was happening to them. I find it harder and harder day after day to believe in a creator. I just wish I could find the faith that is so badly eluding me each moment of my day.

A Loss

2009-05-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

I never had to deal wih a loss before. Of course I did lose my grand parents but I was so young. It is hard to remember the emotions that coursed through me then, although I recall being unable to cry for a long time.
Our beautiful Persian died last week and life has changed. People grief in different many ways. Some mourn for a little while, then rejoice as they consider death a part of living that continues on. Others, like myself, cannot handle the grief and sink into darkness.

I have cried for Maya for over a week and the grief has been so hard to bear. Sometimes I could swear I hear her on the sink calling for the faucet to be turned on. I know that I am not mourning for her only, I have lost Love and for that I will never be the same. But as my very dear friend said, one has to let go and if it is meant it will happen.

I went to pick up Maya's ashes yesterday and while it was extremely difficult for me, I felt joy as I saw how many people had loved her, from the techs to the vet. In her little short life, my baby girl touched so many people. This should be a lesson to me.... a very valuable lesson.

Today Historical Day

2008-11-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

The Unites States has elected its first African-American President. What a landslide! An African-American President... something to be so proud of, the United States has gone a long way. Today depicts a desillusioned nation so tired of its present administration and completely ready to make changes.

Will there be a drastic change? Time will tell but I feel sorry for our new Commander in Chief. He has a lot to clean up but above all he must restore trust in this country again and this alone seems unsurmountable.
One thing that has always irked me is the biracial subject. Why do we consider him African-American when he is as much white? Why don't they address Obama as a biracial president. Why does one ethnicity takes precedent to the other when there is a 50% equality? I am still trying to wrap this one around my brain and no one has been able to explain it to me.
Everyone is celebrating such a milestone today and yet there is still a flipside to the story. One could embrace the tolerance but yet 50+ if not many more Millions of Americans are treated like second class citizens and discriminated against. Many propositions in this country backed by the Church appear to be passing and are stripping our citizens of the most basic right ... the right to marry and to adopt children.
I am not a proponent of marriage, but I strongly believe every individual should have the same rights, regardless of their race, gender, and sexual identity. Each individual in this country should have the right to marry should they choose to exercise the right or not. WHO has the right to discrminate against anyone?

Arizona Proposition no. 102 - Ban on Gay marriage - PASSED
Arkansas Intitiative 1 - Ban on Gay Couples adopting children - PASSED
Florida Amendment 2 - Ban on Gay marriage - PASSED
California Proposition 8 - Ban of gay marriage - PASSING

This is a really sad day for tolerance. Most of those propositions were backed by various churches, predominantly the Church of the Latter Saints (Mormons)and the Catholic Church. Since when does the Church has the right to get involved in politics? If they are going to do that, then they should be stripped of their non-profit status and start paying taxes like each one of us. This is sickening!
Like those African-American church folks raising money to give to those propositions.
Did time pass so fast that they forgot when they could not drink from the same water fountain as white people ... Did they forget all the discrimination that happened and is still happening today?
Just because today we have a biracial president doesn't mean that racism doesn't exist anymore. If one wants us to believe that ... who are they fooling?
Ok I get down my soap box and I bid good night. Today left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Last tuesday I laid in the hospital hooked up to monitors, oxygen up my nose and fluids coursing through my veins, thinking of my future and today one week later to the day, I lay here desillusioned about the human race. Oh Well...

Mexico

2008-10-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

Everything seems to bring me to Mexico lately. I love the country, Guadalajara is one my favorite cities in the world and I am so glad that my job brings me there.

I was given a staff last week and it happens that they are located in Guadalajara. Therefore I will have to manage them remotely and fly down once a month. Although most of them speak decent english, I must become fluent in Spanish in the next few months. So they got me "Rosetta Stone" and I am on my way to master another language. I love downtown Guadalajara with its Spanish style buildings, its old churches that fill me with so many wonderful memories and the old ornate gazebo standing in the center of the plaza. I cannot wait to return.

Guadalajara is considered the birthplace of the Mariachi, although one can trace the originals to Cocula about 40 miles away. As I love Mariachi and Ranchera singers I always wanted to go to the Mariachi festival there but I missed it this year as it took place at the beginning of September. But I was lucky enough to live in a city that holds the second biggest Mariachi festival, San Jose.

The event lasts for the whole month and pretty much ends at the end of September with a large concert.I never miss it and this year was a tribute to women in Mariachi music, three in particular Lola Beltran, Lucha Reyes and Amalia Mendoza. While those legends are long gone, three contemporary women took their place, Linda Ronstadt, who is also the artistic director for the festival, Aida Cuevas, a world famous ranchera singer, and my most favorite of all Lila Downs, who has one most incredible voices in the world. The concert lasted four hours and was phenomenal.

Crazy Markets

2008-09-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a week. The markets have gone crazy, The financial crisis is at its worse since the depression of 1929 and now we have the government wanting to bail out investment companies with our-hard earned tax money. What is wrong with ths picture? Wait a minute I never signed up for this!

Investing in the stock market and any other investment instruments has always been for speculation and was never a sure bet. Pleople do know the risks they take when they invest. If you cannot take the heat get out of the kitchen!

Money markets used to be viewed as secure investments and they used to be, but one must remember that is is still investing and are in no way a savings accounts.The largest money market in the world Reserve Funds with 65 Billions in assets "broke the buck" this week and that is very scary. People got scared because they had 1.2% of Lehman Brothers securities and they received redemption orders amount to 60 billions. If they reimburse all those investors at the same time, there is no way that they can provide full NAV $1 and NAV $.97 as they will have to sell all their lots at a loss, so now everyone is going to have to wait in line as they just filed for an extension with the SEC for settlement of unfulfilled redemptions in addition to the seven days they were already allowed.

Of course, get this, the minimum investment requirement for those fundsi s $10M, so guess who the government is helping bail out? you and me or the big corporations?
Here we go again!!!

Anyway once again this has been a crazy week, my project is coming to an end after 3 months next week. A new one will be starting and I cannot wait. Like my friend tells me it is good for me and will definitely keep me out of trouble and keep me mind occupied.

One good news, I have been waiting for the results of my tests and they came back negative, so no leukemia for me nor blood clotting for me. They had been monitoring me for six months and my latest tests had shown up various abnormalities in my blood. So today I am in the clear; even my cholesterol was normal. I guess working 16 hours a day lately has been good for me LOL... Just kidding.

Update

2008-09-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't had the chance to write on my blog for a long time now and I just noticed yesterday as long it had been. I guess life has happened in so many ways. I have also noticed that I was still getting many visits, so I decided it was time to set time aside and continue writing.

Finally for the first time in my working career, I have found a job that I enjoy immensely... wonderful environment and an amazing boss who has been mentoring me and coaching me for the executive life. I cannot believe that I have there for close to nine months already and it has been quite a ride, exhilarating ... scary at time but what an elating ride. It was all worth it. I have grown immensely in the fact that now I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

Believing and trusting have always been a constant struggle in my life, but I think I am slowly getting there. I still need time though.

The past couples of weeks have been difficult for me. Something everything could be so much simpler with pills or alcohol but I stand here exposed to the world and grappling at an uncertain future. I hope that with time I can fill the void and the emptiness that has engulfed my soul.

But when all seems lost, something comes to save one's heart. The puppy that I am babysitting found a kitten around the corner of my front door and little Casey came into my life... quite unexpectly. The two adore each other and are inseparable, I am now worried on how they are going to react when Yogi will leave. I guess like everything else, Life goes on and no one dies.

How the Corporate World Has Changed

2008-01-28T20:58:00.000-08:00

The Corporate World has certainly changed since I first started working. I remember my first job on Wall Street when I had to rush to get to the office right on time to watch my manager look at her watch. I can recall the regimented hours and the obligatory overtime done to ensure that the big boss would see me after six when he would walk up and down the aisles. Today everything is so opposite. Staying late at work has the stigma that one is lacking organization and is unable to manage their workload in the eight hours they have allocated. The number one complain I hear is that many workers are being managed by their work instead of them managing the work causing them to spend most of their day putting out fires.

I must ascertain that I love the valley’s (Silicon) culture. I have my own hours, come in and leave when I please without having to explain why. I can work from home if I wish like I did today. I love being mobile, I find myself so much more productive and looking forward to every day’s new challenge. I can really do my work from anywhere. The only requirement put upon me is that I deliver and complete my projects by the required deadline. Of course my boss is free to call me at any time.

I have refocused my life to concentrate on my career again, it keeps me grounded and focused, which is what I desperately need right now. My new job has many challenges and hurdles, it is quite fast paced and one must keep up, but I enjoy it tremendously and having a great supportive boss is really the icing on the cake.

Yes, I must say the Corporate World has changed tremendously since I first started working… One can only imagine what it will be 10 years from now.

True Artists

2008-01-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

I threw away my painting today, will donate my brushes and canvas to some school, which I am sure will make better use of it than I can. Some people are great painters and some are mediocre and I guess I am the latter, so there is no need for me to continue. Let the real artists show true beauty to the world. Someone was scared to give me their honest opinion and told me that they liked it when actually they thought it was a piece of shit. That really shocked me as I have always welcomed feedback and to be afraid of me makes no sense at all. Anyway, I am most likely acting juvenile but I admit I lost something along the way and there cannot be any beauty when there is no soul.

The Peace of Art

2008-01-01T15:07:00.001-08:00

I used to paint a long time ago and one day I stopped suddenly. I can’t recall why or when but I never looked back. They say Art is the best form of therapy and I must say that I agree with that quote. I have put my soul inside each photograph that I take and today I did the same with a painting. I felt rusty, I even fought it, but at the end I created and I am basking in the peace that it gave to my troubled mind. I feel feverish in my passion, I feel it coursing through my veins and I must create. I guess the canvasses sitting against the wall will be filled with each of my senses very soon.

Happy New Year to everyone and may your desires and aspirations be fullfilled.

The real leader of masses is no more!

2007-12-27T21:49:00.001-08:00

The real leader of masses is no more!
Originally uploaded by *abro*

Today’s is a sad day. As my friend Abro would say “the real leader of masses is no more”. I sit here in shock and great sadness after hearing of the assassination of the heroic leader, Benazir Bhutto. The future of the world is one of grievous uncertainty and that vile act is an impediment for Pakistani democracy.

The terrorists have struck and brought fear again into the world. The population of the entire planet is at over 6.6 billion. Yet we have allowed a handful of extremists to twist the Koran’s sacred words to justify their own egotistic agendas and brain wash young idealistic lost souls to bring fear into our existence.

Al Qaeda, the Taliban and some of Musharraf’s ruling party members must be celebrating tonight. Tomorrow will be her funeral and I fear of the anarchy and violence that will most likely ensue. Like many I knew she would be killed and that it was just a matter of time. Benazir herself was conscious of it and in her own words “she would never surrender her great nation, was ready to give up her life to restore democracy in her country and prevent an extremist takeover”. Like a few before her, she has become a martyr and will be revered for generations to come. I will never forget the chants “Jiye Bhutto Jiye Awam.”

Tonight I push aside my own personal anger and pain to mourn a woman, a sister, a mother, a friend, and a leader who gave hope to a nation in despair and most likely brought peace and stability back into a troubled country.

There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle”
~~~Robert Alden

Photo credits: Petr Josek/Reuters and Wally Santana/AP

Family Giving Tree

2007-12-20T21:19:00.000-08:00

, Today was an incredible day. I felt intense joy inside me as so much beauty and love was bestowed upon me. Yet I felt overwhelmed by so much sadness when I heard that a Christmas organization that we participate in was 15,000 gifts short of their goals, which means that the same amount of unpriviledged children will not receive any gifts this year.

The organization is called Family Giving Tree and each year they collect gift wishes from over 70,000 needy children who otherwise would not get any presents for Christmas. Volunteers hang wish cards in trees at over 900 Bay Area companies, stores, and schools. The cards are picked up by employees, customers, etc... who will buy a specific gift for each child. One company donates a warehouse in which volunteers process the children’s gifts. I feel so bad and I cannot shake it out tonight.

The TV news channels and radio stations are broadcasting the news over the air in hopes that more individuals will get gifts for the kids. There are only three days left and time is running out. This year we picked up two wish cards for two girls, one teenager who wanted an art set and a small girl who wanted an ethnic doll. Well tomorrow, it will be time to go pick up more wish cards and return to Toys R us or Aaron Brothers to make other kids happy for Christmas. I wish I could do more as the idea of a sad child really claws at my heart. I sincerely hope that one of the big CEOs in the valley hears the plea and helps them out.

The beautiful children in my pictures are in no way affiliated to this non-profit.

Please visit http://www.familygivingtree.org/

First Day at Work

2007-12-17T20:52:00.000-08:00

My first day at work was great. It feels good to be back in the corporate world again and it was like I didn't take a break at all for all those weeks. The morning was spent in orientation and we had lunch in a Mandarin restaurant that was fabulous. The lamb with green onions was out of this world and the dumplings sauted to perfection. The afternoon was spent in meetings with bankers, whom I already knew and it was nice to see them in another setting. My office is small and empty and it will stay that way until we move to our new building in January. I saw the layout in a blue print and I like where my office is going to be situated. Well of course, it is not the corner office, but it is much nicer to what I used to have in the old company LOL.

It feels nice to have a laptop again and I cannot wait until I order my own personal slim and light laptop to use exclusively for my art. I am still undecided between an Apple or a Dell. Apple is supposed to be better for art, but I am so accustomed to PCs.

In the horizon, I will be going to three business trips in the next couple of months, South Carolina, Guadalajara, and India. I just can't wait on the last one.
I have always dreamt of going to India. I am so looking forward to its magic and what my camera will capture.

Back to the Rat Race

2007-12-16T20:34:00.000-08:00

Vacation is over and tomorrow is my first day back to work. I had mixed feelings today as I was starting to get comfortable staying home the past couple of weeks. Anyway it is time. I am getting a new office and I am looking forward to traveling overseas in the future. When they mentioned Vienna Austria I became so excited. I love Vienna, its history and architecture. I was there was a very long time ago and I am looking forward to seeing the sights again.

I have traveled to many countries and continents, but one place I would love to see is Mainland China. I long to see the Great Wall, Xian, the Forbidden City, and travel down the Yangtze River. I hope one day to have that opportunity.

Back to the Rat Race!!!

Art - What is Art?

2007-12-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

Art … what is art?
The dictionary’s definition states that Art is the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

Is it really? There have been a lot of different views about what constitutes art. I have seen pieces considered art selling for outrageous sums and I must say that there nothing being aesthetic, beautiful, or appealing about them. But appreciation of art is subjective and cognitive to one’s own perception.

Today I read an article about Damien Hirst’s sale of his diamond encrusted skull for an outrageous price of $100M and it revolted me. In my opinion how can this man be considered an artist? How can a pickled half of a cow or a shark in a tank of Formaldehyde be art? I guess Oscar Wilde’s quote “To be popular one must be a mediocrity” applies on this one.

The ‘Artist” says that he was inspired by an aztec turquoise skull mask that now resides at the British Museum. The museum supposes that the skull represents Tezcatlipoca the creator god and it is believed that it was sent as a tribute to Moctezuma the Second. I am not going to dispute the experts, but IMHO the mask most likely represents Mictlantecuhtli the God of the dead who ruled Mictlan “The underworld”.

A true artist for me should make one see beauty in ways that they could have never imagined. There is no planning, no blueprint, no brainstorm just stillness and purity of the mind to erode away the grime of every day’s life.

My top ten pieces of Art:

1. Auguste Rodin “The Gates of Hell”
2. Paul Gauguin “Tahitian Women on the Beach"
3. Antonin Dvorak "The Noon Witch"
4. Shah Jahan's "Taj Mahal"
5. Salvator Dali "Dream"
6. Monet "La Promenade"
7. Nora Naranjo-Morse "Khwee Seng"
8. Giacomo Puccini "Nessum Dorma" from Turandot
9. CS Lewis "Til we have faces"
9. Rokuon-Ji's "Kinkaku-ji"
10. Roman Loranc "Bare Trees by the river"

Hyper-consumerism

2007-12-12T20:28:00.000-08:00

Today one economist predicted that there most likely would be a mild recession in 2008. What does that mean exactly? The easiest way to explain it is that demand will fall and corporate earnings will drop, which means that the Federal Reserve will lower the interest rates in an attempt to counteract the credit crunch caused by the sub-prime crisis, normal “Joes Schmoes” like us will curb our spending, businesses will cut their capital expenses and global growth will slow down. Just think how powerful we average consumers can be. We stop spending, companies panic, revenues fall, the stock market plummets and everything goes in a hand basket.

Frankly the good thing about hyper-consumerism slowdown is that it helps the environment. In Al Gore’s words “We're embedded in a culture that makes it so easy to just go with the flow and support a pattern that's horribly destructive.”
I do agree. How many television sets does one need in the house? If one looks around, how many gadgets do we actually use, how many remain lying around? How many clothes with the tag still on are in one’s closet? I admit I was one of the culprits. I had to have the latest phone, PDA, DVD recorder etc … One year I went through three different cell phones and two PDA’s. I had to change my car every three years and of course it had to be one of status. I was a regular at Barney’s and Saks Fifth Avenue in NYC and I had to go to the trendiest of restaurants. Well I look at my life today and I see how much my life has changed. I live a simple life, buy what is necessary, do not own a flat screen LCD TV, drive a 10 year old Jeep and eat in holes in the wall. Ok I still splurge on clothing, but not that often. I discovered that the most precious asset of life, nature, is free and I take full advantage of it. If my friends could see me now… LOL

Some of my Favorites

2007-12-10T21:36:00.001-08:00

Ghosts and Spirits

2007-12-09T21:22:00.000-08:00

Today I watched a psychics show on the A&E Channel and saw those guys going into a cemetery at night in order to capture “Spirits” with their camera. As they triumphantly pointed the shot to the cameraman for everyone to see the proof in the form of orbs, the wheels in my head started to spin.
All my life I have always been a skeptic regarding psychics and mediums until I actually saw the gift in someone very close to me. Through her, I have been exposed to incredible events and while I still try to analyze the unexplained through rational and concrete evidence, I now do believe in the mystical and spiritual gifts of a few lucky ones. I am not sure how legitimate those two guys were, but it gave me the idea to undertake the same exercise. Therefore as night was falling I drove to the cemetery a few blocks down to try my luck. I managed to shoot the sunset and waited until it got completely dark.
Well, the talent was not bestowed upon me as I did manage to take lovely pictures but no ghost wanted a part of me… LOL. Next time, I will bring company and maybe I might be luckier.

Miracle of Life

2007-12-06T09:33:00.000-08:00

I can feel winter is among us. Well ok 53 degrees at 8am would not really warrant for a down jacket, but I feel really cold and I have the heat blasting. It looks like it is going to rain, which means that I will be stuck in the house… perfect day for cleaning as I planned. A cleaning service sounds really good about now.
Anyway I spent the day playing yesterday. I continued working on my “Alfred Hitchcock” project, which is to photograph the locations of his two films “Vertigo” and “The Birds” shot right in my backyard, well almost. I drove to San Francisco to photograph Mission Dolores and its cemetery. The Cemetery was used in Vertigo as the grave site of Carlotta Valdes. It is the only cemetery left actually located in the City of San Francisco besides the Military Cemetery inside the Presidio as it is illegal to bury anyone within the city limits. I am not religious but I must admit that there is so much beauty in theistic art. One can feel the intense passion of the artist in each sculpture, painting, fresco, or bas-relief.

I decided to drive back home via Highway 1, which is the most breathtaking drive one can ever take. The two lanes road follows the ocean and the scenery is spectacular. The waves were extremely high yesterday, most likely over 20 feet high. I got out of my jeep mesmerized and started shooting. The ocean can have a spellbound effect on one’s mind. If one listens carefully, one might hear the powerful call of the mermaids. I can still feel the cold wind burning my skin and the smell of the ocean etched in my senses. There is nothing that can calm a troubled soul like the vast expanse of water and the sounds of waves crashing against rocks.I drove down to watch the surfers and sat on the rocks for what seemed an eternity because the sun in all its magnificence set down before my eyes. I saw life and all its miracles yesterday.

And the song of the day is (Cut&Paste): Me Muero
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCZw0YbrhN4&feature=related

Power of Censorship

2007-12-03T19:02:00.001-08:00

I have always been against censorship. I am lucky to have been born in a country where one’s opinion and expression of that opinion are quite cherished. I am also lucky to live in a country that values the same. I love both nations and I am proud to carry both citizenships. TV censorship in this country does not really bother me as I understand that it has to do with children viewing, so I can deal with the bleeps and the blurriness of nudity, although I think that there is nothing wrong with nudity and children being exposed to it. Other than that the communication of the media is quite open and one can form their own POV. For others wanting more, we have become a global world and there are plenty of media forms out there to get every morsel of information one desires. We are quite lucky compared to other countries and we should cherish our freedom everyday.

Anyway what prompted my rant today was an email I received through Flickr advising me that I had been added as someone’s contact. It happens very often and I always take the time to go and look at the person’s profile and pictures. 99% of the time I add them as a contact too as a reciprocal courtesy. Well I was about to do the same yesterday with that particular individual. I clicked on their pictures and to my utter shock and dismay I was exposed to extremely graphic pornographic pictures of that individual with someone else. I am not a prude, far from it. I have contacts that have tasteful nude shots in their portfolio. I appreciate the beauty of it and consider it art. However, what I saw yesterday was distasteful in my eyes and I wish I wouldn’t have been subjected to it.

So this led me to think about censorship. I asked myself the following questions such as should this woman’s page have been banned? Should I report such offensive subject? After pondering about it for a long time, I am still torn up about it. First of all I believe in freedom of expression and in following this thought she should be able to post anything she wants. However, what would have transpired if instead of an adult I would have been a child or a teenager? My stomach churns thinking about it and I am revolted by it all. Shouldn’t those pages have disclaimers? I have seen disclaimers on Flickr that state that one is about to enter a mature page and even give you the option to decline and go visit the kittens’ page. The page actually contains the cutest little kittens of all breeds.

I guess I am upset at Flickr for not imposing a filter and letting me be subjected to such graphic images without my consent. As for the woman, she should be free to post what ever she wants but she should ensure that her page is linked to mature audiences only. As for reporting it so that an incident like that does repeat itself, well I still have not decided what to do about it.

And the song of the day is "Coffee Shop" (Cut&Paste):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6oRQyAvPKE&feature=related

Finding a New Job

2007-12-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

It has been a couple of weeks and I received a job offer, which I accepted. I will be starting on the 15th of December therefore my short vacation will be soon over. I am excited as I really liked the team and the company. I will have a brand new title and an office. Interestingly enough we will be all moving to a new building by the beginning of the year. New year, new path, new journey, everything seems to be falling into place, all seems so simple. I wished I could have relaxed, but frankly I cannot wait to go back to work as I need some structure in my life. Being idle has never been a good idea for me as my mind always work overtime and not always positively. So the old saying works well for me… working keeps me out of trouble LOL. Well now that I have an additional two weeks of real relaxation. I can concentrate on my art. I will be writing stories and poetry, grabbing my camera and drive to shoot some more of the world’s beauty. But above all I just want to close my eyes and dream.

The Way of An Artist

2007-11-29T20:29:00.000-08:00

Now I know that I really need to go back to work when I spend a couple of hours watching music videos. I was reading an article about Amy Winehouse, a young British singer who had to cancel all her tour appearances due to her self-destructive lifestyle. The doctors worried about her mental state advised her to get help and I sincerely hope that she listens to them as she is a physical and emotional train wreck. Anyway I surfed though Yahoo Music to find out what she sounded like. To my surprise I discovered how much I was attracted to her sound and how refreshing her style was. Her voice is a cross between Billie Holliday and Sarah Vaughn. The beehive’s got to go though. But in a way I can understand why the persona as her sound is very much Motown 60’s with a 21st century twist. What really describes an artist? Is it passion, fire, talent, vision, emotion, or love? Or is it self-doubt, self-destruction, angst, pain, or sacrifice? What is the perfect formula? I guess it is all subjective.

Amy Winehouse's Video (cut & paste):
http://video.music.yahoo.com/up/music/music/?rn=1301797&vid=48184613&stationId=&curl=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.music.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2F%3Fm%3Dvideo%26p%3Damy%2Bwinehouse

The Spirit of Christmas

2007-11-28T19:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas is approaching. The shopping frenzy is on. People are getting into the spirit. I look across the way and see all the lit Christmas trees along with the left-over Diwali outdoor lights. I must admit it is stunning to look at in the darkness. I have always loved the spirit of Christmas, not because of its religious connotation (let’s face it Jesus would have been born around April or May and not in December) but because of the joy it brings to so many people. Nothing is as beautiful as the crystalline laugh or shriek of a young child as they are opening their presents. Nothing is as splendid as the back of fingers brushing against a soft cheek or making angels in the snow on a cold December night. Well this is California, so the snow angels are out … LOL. I love the decorations, going to the stores and hearing the music loudly playing along as people are rushing by to nab the latest fashionable toy or capitalize on bargains. It adds a light bounce to my step and I feel happy. I really love to bring joy. I yearn for that smile, that shriek, the look of love in one’s eyes, and the smell of hot cocoa with cinnamon sticks.

I would like to buy so many things for my nephews this year and yet it doesn’t look like I will be able to do much this year due to my predicament, but hopefully I will find employment by then. I really hope soon before I go completely mad. I am not one to relax at home. I really try to find something to do, but I just cannot concentrate. I feel like a tiger in a cage and all I want to do is roar. Let’s face it, maybe If I was independently wealthy I could get into it and really indulge in my passions, but right now, returning to work is in the back of my mind and I just cannot chill out.

The spirit of Christmas is once again upon us yet I desire nothing for myself. Ok, maybe I would like to go visit those cute meerkats at the zoo, which remind me so much of the one at home.

Despair

2007-11-26T21:46:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend today and she reminded me on how much she loved my jewelry designs and asked why I stopped. I really couldn’t tell her why, but I remembered a time when my passion was like opium and I couldn’t stop creating. I could breathe it, I craved it. It has been almost a year and I am still at a stand still. I look at the box where all my supplies sit and I cannot bring myself to create anything.

They say that every artist has a black period, but I never considered myself an artist, so why would it touch me? I sometimes feel like my creativity is gone and I want to hit the walls, scream my despair. I pace back and forth like a lunatic trying to get an idea, any idea in my head. I look at my photographs and I see the emptiness. Something has broken … another piece to add to the thousands of chards that make me damaged goods.

On a lighter note, I was looking for Sarah Vaughn's videos on You Tube and found Alicia Keys' new single. The resolution is much better on Yahoo Music though. Lovely song!

http://video.music.yahoo.com/up/music/music/?rn=1301797&vid=48605781&stationId=&curl=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.music.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2F%3Fm%3Dall%26p%3Dalicia%2Bkeys%2Bno%2Bone%26SpellState%3Dn-1117608080_q-cetQ.E7%2FtAmg8bK5KYxKFAAAAA%40%40

So Much Beauty in the World

2007-11-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days in which I needed to be in touch with my higher spirit, Nature. With my usual spontaneity I drove to the nearest National Park “Big Basin”, which is about a half hour from the house. I love redwood forests and I wanted to grab pictures of the waterfalls. As I was driving up the winding road, the fog became denser and upon arriving, I realized that that it was the smoke of a fire nearby. They had set a prescribed fire and to my disappointment I couldn’t get to the waterfall. It was cold and crisp and I was glad that I had a sweater on and a beanie on my head. An hour later I was peeling some of my clothes off as the hike had warmed my whole body.

I have come upon many animals during my treks, but seeing a mountain lion was a first. I became alarmed as there have been attacks before in other areas and started to turn back slowly. Thankfully it appeared that he was more afraid of me than I was of him. I think… LOL. I never felt my heart beating so fast and then it hit me that I didn’t take a picture. Well sometimes it is just not worth it.

The highlight of my day was a field of the most gorgeous horses I had ever seen. I had to turn around to go take pictures of them as I would have regretted it if I didn’t. As I started shooting, the most beautiful mare with the lightest blue eyes approached me and wanted me to pet her. I was so elated and humbled by such beauty. The more I petted her the more she wanted the affection. It lasted until another approached and they all left together so gracefully. So much beauty, there is so much beauty in the world.

.

Hitchcock Classics

2007-11-23T19:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I spent the afternoon watching Hitchcock classics. I had seen Vertigo many years ago and really enjoyed seeing it again. To my surprise I discovered that I had been taking pictures of the same scenery without even realizing it. Mission San Juan Bautista is one of my favorite spots but I never associated the church until I saw it yesterday. It was fascinating to see how little the area has changed. As I watched Kim Novak walking through the gardens it dawned on me that I had taken the same steps not too long ago - minus the jump from the bell tower of course... LOL
This gave me ideas for a new photographic project which I cannot wait to start. I would talk more about it as I start developing it. Next week will be devoted to job interviews. I have an exciting prospect in San Francisco. The company is an extremely progressive and dynamic enterprise that really emphasizes on a work/life balance. I really like that they devote part of their profit, equity and time to the community and value their employees. The benefits and perks not to mention the salary are incredible. I would have to travel by train for 45 minutes each way, but the rest really overshadows this minor discomfort. Today for the first time in a long time I really feel like the old me. I see the beauty around me again.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T13:04:00.001-08:00

I have decided today that this will be the last thanksgiving that I will be celebrating either with friends or family. Next year, I will be helping in a soup kitchen and give my thanks for all I have and how blessed my life has been so far. I have realized that spending time with family and friends around a table can be done anytime and often, not only around a holiday. It also dawned on me how self- absorbed I have been and what a lousy mate, sister, friend and daughter I have been all those years.

Various myths have surrounded the Thanksgiving holiday. The pilgrims never held a yearly harvest feast nor was the day meant for such lavish table displays. Was there a turkey on the table on that first feast? Maybe … All pilgrims equated wild fowl to turkey. To those puritans, the meaning of thanks was originally a day for prayer and fasting that would be held at any time and such feast would not have been allowed.

The pilgrims did have such a feast in 1621 but it was to celebrate the end of harvest which followed the English harvest festivals, however it was not the beginning of a tradition nor did they repeat it. It was during the American Revolution that the Continental Congress suggested a day of national thanksgiving. Abraham Lincoln appointed a day in 1863 as the last Thursday of November to coincide with the Nov 21, 1621 anchoring of the Mayflower in Cape Cod. However, it was Franklin D. Roosevelt who in 1939 set the date for Thanksgiving to the fourth Thursday of November, which was approved by Congress in 1941.

Thanksgiving has different meanings for many cultures and frankly for many immigrants the holiday doesn’t mean anything as they still hold on to their own cultural celebrations. Some do share in the celebration and give it their own special ethnic twist. The Native Americans resent the holiday as they equate it to betrayal. Ironically the House of Representatives just passed legislation on Nov 13 designing the day after Thanksgiving a Native American Heritage Day to pay tribute to the Injuns' contribution to the United States. The Native American Heritage Day bill encourages Americans of all backgrounds to observe the Friday after Thanksgiving as Native American Heritage Day, through appropriate ceremonies and activities. What a load of crap!

Let’s face it, in my opinion for most Americans of every ethnic background today, Thanksgiving simply represent an excuse for family gathering, eating and wining, which could easily be done every Sunday. Does one takes a minute and really think of what it really means? There are so many people out there suffering and surviving. Wouldn’t the holiday be more pertinent if each of us took time out of their precious schedule and reached to those in need to make them feel truly loved?

Sunday

2007-11-18T20:31:00.000-08:00

The fog was powerful this morning so I grabbed my camera in hopes to capture it. As I was driving the fog appeared to dissipate and my disappointment grew by the second. I turned toward the cemetery as I had always found inspiration in it. To my amazement the fog was still there and I managed to take a few unspectacular shots before it disappeared.

I have always had an affinity towards cemeteries and find no morbidity in them. I have no interest in Death, nor does it attracts me. But I love taking pictures of graveyards and the stories one can weave from them.

There is so much life in a cemetery and there is no better place to bird or squirrel watch. I delight in gazing at children playing and people walk their dogs. A cute cat napping on a tombstone with no care in the world or old people sitting lovingly on a bench brings the most tenderness out of me.

But what allures me the most is the art and architecture. One can find the most magnificent statues in cemeteries, however that type of art goes mainly unnoticed due to the stigma and taboo imposed by society.

My mother was a bit concerned when she first started seeing my photos, but finally managed to understand my point of view after I explained to her my motives. Maman is not on the verge of becoming a convert, but she is warming up to the idea. Maybe I will be able to drag her to the Pere Lachaise in Paris one of those days LOL.

I promised myself that I would make a point in visiting one cemetery in each place that I visit in the future may it be for pleasure of business. Mmmmm my list is growing longer every day. So many places, so little time! Oh well...

Beauty is everywhere, may it be in a cemetery, in the eyes of a child, a certain scar, a painting, a sunset, an old woman's smile, an animal or a mosque. One only has to open their eyes and their heart.

Beauty

2007-11-16T18:39:00.000-08:00

beau·ty (byōō'tē) n. The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"... Kant confirmed this statement by asserting that beauty possesses both subjective and objective qualities. Objectivity sees beauty as a natural part of the subject while subjectivity sees beauty from one's own eyes.

To understand this statement, one is to ascertain that objective beauty can be the attributes of a flower or the features of a child.

Every being has their own sense of subjective beauty. While one finds beauty in the form the form of a skeletal supermodel, another finds it in a voluptuous older woman as I do.

Beauty brings me to tears may it be objective or subjective. Through the lens of my camera, I see it everywhere ... in anyone. I can feel its joy, happiness, color, darkness, pain, anger and despair so deeply.

Beaches

2007-11-15T19:37:00.000-08:00

I was crawling out of my skin today. I couldn't stand the painful emotions coursing through my being. Therefore I just decided to embrace my solitude, grabbed my camera and drove to my favorite place ... the ocean.

I droved up the coast to take a closer look at the devastation and got caught in the fog. It was quite majestic and eerie at the same time. I did manage to capture one of the beaches and could not believe how dark the sand was. However, I was so relieved to find out that it was contained up North and didn't hit my favorite spot where my beloved seals took residence.

I looked at the beauty around me and it dawned on me at that moment that hope is the most powerful emotion of all.

Blogging

2007-11-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to blog for a while now. Of course as I am a novice I went around and checked out what was outthere. You know, getting my toes wet without taking a complete shower ... LOL. Everyone wants to put their point of view accross.

For the first time of my working career I am without a job. I had been going on automatic pilot for so long that I just couldn't fathom another day at that company. I feel so liberated. It is such an elating feeling, yet a bit scary as I finally have to develop an action plan and create a blue print for my future. That is a new concept for someone who has spent their life going down a river without a paddle, landing whereever the tide would bring them.

Anyway, there have been so many events that are really making my predicament so insignificant. I am still so upset about the events in Pakistan and the oil spill at my doorstep. I am so appalled by the disregard of freedom and life in general, may it be human or not. An uncessary mistake and thousands of animals have died.

Innocent little lives at the hand of man once again. What makes money, power, and greed more important than the life of a small bird or juvenile harbor seal? What makes people so desensitized that they would bring their dogs to the beach and let them fetch in oil slick water, then catch an attitude when they are told to leave the beach?

I am boiling about all of this today and then I find out that people are blogging about public toilets and it appears to be quite a popular topic. That one left me speechless. Of all the events happening to the world, people are blogging about the "loo" ... LOL. To set any joke aside, I am flabbergasted. Hey, I am for freedom of speech... but public toilets? Ok I guess anything goes!!!!