Another Friday

I left work after lunch today to take a well needed rest and I am sitting here staring blankly at my laptop screen. I just listened to that great song "Shattered" by O.A.R. and it left me with so many mixed emotions that I am still trying to sort out.

I am still pondering about that tragic flight and its fate is becoming more elusive by the day as the debris pulled out of the sea did not belong to AF447. I don't know why I am so affected by it, when other tragedies happen all the time. I keep hoping ... just hoping that maybe they landed in an island, you know, like the show "LOST" . Wishful thinking as miracles don't happen... But I can dream

Air France Crash

It has been a couple of days and still nothing ... no explanations on why that plane crashed, just uncertainty and loss. I guess we most likely will never know. This has brought long flashbacks to me ... back to a few years ago in the same place. We left Rio de Janeiro very late as they appeared to have issues with the front of the plane but yet Varig cleared the plane to fly and there we went. I was in the washroom when the pilot informed us that we were having mechanical problems and we needed to turn back immediately. Those were terrifying moments as we had no idea if we were going to land ok or not. I will always remember one of my friends holding that elderly lady's hand so tight whom she didn't even know and praying with her while another was sleeping completely oblivious of the crisis. I will always remember the red flashes from the fire engines and ambulances lighting up the night as people were trying to stay calm. Anyway we landed ... a little bumpy but landed and we spent another day in that gorgeous city.
I pray deep in my heart that those poor souls had no time to realize what was happening to them. I find it harder and harder day after day to believe in a creator. I just wish I could find the faith that is so badly eluding me each moment of my day.

A Loss

I never had to deal wih a loss before. Of course I did lose my grand parents but I was so young. It is hard to remember the emotions that coursed through me then, although I recall being unable to cry for a long time.
Our beautiful Persian died last week and life has changed. People grief in different many ways. Some mourn for a little while, then rejoice as they consider death a part of living that continues on. Others, like myself, cannot handle the grief and sink into darkness.

I have cried for Maya for over a week and the grief has been so hard to bear. Sometimes I could swear I hear her on the sink calling for the faucet to be turned on. I know that I am not mourning for her only, I have lost Love and for that I will never be the same. But as my very dear friend said, one has to let go and if it is meant it will happen.

I went to pick up Maya's ashes yesterday and while it was extremely difficult for me, I felt joy as I saw how many people had loved her, from the techs to the vet. In her little short life, my baby girl touched so many people. This should be a lesson to me.... a very valuable lesson.